Large Family Living » Making Each Child Feel Special

Just say “YES!”

Mark — Sun, 26 Jul 2009 03:00:17 +0000

Phew, just got back in from playing basketball with the kids….it was a blast.

They asked me to play earlier today but I was too tired so I took a nap. OK, yeah, I really was tired, but the truth is I just didn’t feel like it. Being tired was just an excuse. It sounded better than I don’t want to.

When you’re a good hearted little boy and your dad says he’s too tired, it feels sad, but its hard to argue with him. Instead you just wilt a little bit inside and try to figure out how to go on with your life. If that happens too many times, some kids just stop asking. The flower inside them dies and its a ton of work to try to grow a new one later on. Most of the time it never happens.

Anyway, after dinner I felt guilty about not going out earlier. I believe the word I heard in my head was slacker. Yeah, I was and I knew it so I ventured outside to the driveway. The first thing out of the kids mouths was DAD! ARE YOU GONNA PLAY BASKETBALL WITH US!?! Like the domestic superstar I am, I mumbled Well, we can shoot some hoops… not sure about a real game. What a schmuck. (can I say that here?) Oh well, its true, I really hadn’t turned my heart yet. I was still being lazy.

Awww, c’mon Dad… pleeeease can we play a game?

Ok, that did it. The pressure was really on and the path of least resistance had switched from no to yes. I was already out there. They were already out there. What-da-ya-know the basketball and hoop were already out there. It was either give in and actually play a game or keep saying no, no, no and face the visible wilting in the eyes and smiles. I couldn’t do it. I gave in and said Ok let’s play a real game!

From then on… it was awesome. I got sweaty. I love getting sweaty. I taught them how to pass a ball the right way. I love teaching them stuff. I stole the ball and blocked a few shots. (I let a few shots get through – that was more fun). We had a blast and they spent the rest of the evening telling their mom about it.

I’m such an idiot sometimes. Why did I waste all that time? I LOVE playing basketball. I’ve always loved it. Ugh.

We’ll no big speeches or sermons here. Maybe I’ll say “Yes!” earlier next time.

The Power of a Focused Mom and Dad

Stacey — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 21:54:18 +0000

“Stay focused!” is something my children hear regularly from me. It seems like when it’s school time, chore time, or transition times (like before bed), our children have an amazing capacity to socialize with one another. Sometimes it’s almost painful to tell them to stop talking or playing because I’m so glad they enjoy each other and are friends. Realistically, though, there comes a time to buckle down and just get stuff done.

It is an important character trait to be able to stay focused and persevere in the tasks we do. And yet, we as parents have to balance our task list with the never-ending task of nurturing other humans. I could often use a little of my kids’ ability to set aside the task at hand and just focus on the people around me for a minute. How about you?

Spousie and children NEED us to be able to stop sometimes and really focus on a new discovery, misplaced item, trick on the trampoline, problem needing a solution, reinactment of a scene from “Curious George”. . . or whatever. When I am being talked to in the middle of something else I’m doing, which is often, I try to LOOK at the person talking to me and give eye contact. I’m not perfect at this, by any means. But this simple tool accomplishes so much in the way of communicating genuine interest and love to the person talking.

This is not to say that children should come to expect that they will be the center of your attention at any time for any reason. No one enjoys children or adults that try to dominate every conversation or situation they are a part of. Teach your children to interrupt respectfully and discreetly if Mom or Dad is talking to another person. But when you are doing something like peeling veggies, or using the computer, unless you’re on a time deadline, you probably have the minutes necessary to connect with the person desiring your focus. Put down your book, look up from the laundry pile, pause at the dishwasher. LOOK at the person talking to you and focus. Show genuine interest in what they say and when appropriate, make your eyes sparkle and smile really big.

You’re My Favorite. . .

Stacey — Sat, 30 May 2009 21:24:34 +0000

We have friends that have more children than we do. They are always juggling more than we are, and it’s been interesting to watch them from the sidelines. One day, the husband of the family was sitting on our couch talking with his 4th child out of 5 or 6 at the time. The child was probably about 2 or 3 and his daddy was making the most of what would have been an empty moment. ”You’re my favorite Timothy in the whole world,” our friend said to his captive audience. I was greatly intrigued by what I had just heard. At first, I inwardly chuckled. ”Yes,” I thought, “that’s the best you can do with so many kids to raise.” I went on with what I had to do next. Days or weeks later, however, I found myself saying that to one of my children. My heart had softened toward the sentiment. I had even become excited about it! Whoever I was blessed enough to be relating with at that moment was truly, really my favorite Whoever in the whole world! I had a simple way to communicate a profound truth to each of my children. You are individually loved and enjoyed and NO ONE else can take your place.

Don’t feel guilty for bringing your children into a family of more than the average number of children.

Do work hourly to show love for and enjoyment of each person in your family – don’t forget your spousie.

Do collect an arsenal of words and actions that can convey love to each person in your family.

Use this tool if it works for you. I put the words “You’re my favorite. . . in the whole wide world” to music. Now, my children often sing it back to me and I get to be someone’s favorite too!

Making Each Child Feel Special Part 1

Stacey — Fri, 29 May 2009 22:25:08 +0000

How can parents with so many kids invest individually in a meaningful way? I’m sure that’s a question with a thousand answers, but here’s one for today. Make each child’s birthday special. Now, notice, I did not say “$pecial”. If you have the money to wow your children with expensive gifts, decorations and foods, fantastic. As long as there’s provision in the budget, and you and spousie agree, go for it! But, that has not been the case the majority of the time at our house. Usually, “special” at our house means thinking of ways to make the child king or queen for a day. Sometimes those things cost money, and sometimes they don’t.

Here are some things we have done to enhance the celebration of our birthdays:

Child chooses menu for all three meals of the day (with gentle guidelines from Mom)
Child is freed from daily chore responsibilities
Child can sleep in
Child can sit in the best spots in the vehicle, living room and at the table
Child chooses the music, games, TV shows or movies
Decorations are hung in the dining room and/or on the child’s chair (if this wows them)
Child is permitted to choose plates, cups, napkins, balloon colors at the Dollar Store or other inexpensive source (if this wows them)
Gifts are presented – sometimes by means of a treasure hunt with clues customized to child’s age and ability
Siblings participate in making cards and decorations for the wall
Verbal words of love and affirmation are spoken
The day’s festivities center around a theme such as butterflies, superheroes, etc. (if this wows them)

Here are some things I would like to see us try in the future:

Dad and/or Mom write the birthday child a special letter, poem or song
A show or play is presented by the family to the birthday child
Photos and memory box treasures related to the birthday child are viewed by the whole family